Ok, I’m pretty prepared for a zombie apocalypse, but now there are reports of a Vampire attack in San Diego! Holy crap! I don’t think my zombie survival training will work for vampires - those sons of bitches can do all kinds of crazy things like jump high and run fast. Guess it’s time to start stocking up on silver bullets and crucifixes. Can someone please point me in the direction of the nearest Catholic church? I need to brush up on my anti-vampire prayers.
Check out the Huffington Post article on the vampire attack.
Even the CDC is in on the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Preparedness bandwagon. Check out their Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse tips on the CDC Website. A few of their survive necessities include:
I’ve been posting lots of news stories this week because, well, it’s not every week people are biting each other’s faces off. But I’m also unable to do any zombie survival training this week because I had my wisdom teeth taken out on Tuesday and I look and feel like I’ve been sucker punched by the Hulk. So, instead of going AWOL for the week, I thought I’d keep you abreast of the latest zombie news. I hope you’ve been enjoying the blog this week, but have no fear! Training is back on as soon as I no longer look like a drugged chipmunk.
After reading this article about a Daytona, FL man biting the lips off a kitten, I’m more convinced than ever that there is a zombie breakout happening in Florida. First, a naked man ravages the face of another man after taking LSD. Now, a psycho admits to biting the lips off a kitten and strangling another one after his girlfriend dumps him.
Ok Florida, what the hell is going on down there? Is the water contaminated, has NASA had an experiment go extremely wrong, is all the humidity and swamp water finally getting to you? What Florida? What is wrong with you that a zombie apocalypse is over taking your state?
Read the article about the kitten-eating man at http://www.news-journalonline.com/breakingnews/2012/05/palm.html
On Sunday, I reported that a guy in Miami was caught trying to eat some guy’s face off. Now, reports are saying that he was under the influence of “Bath Salts” a new form of LSD.
So, is this the “virus” that ultimately starts the zombie takeover (Z-day)? Thank goodness we’ve been training…just in case.
I think it should be noted that the guy was killed after several gun shots. After he was shot once, he continued to gnaw at the other guy’s face so if this is a zombie takeover, we should be prepared with plenty of ammo. Got your guns ladies?
Watch a news report about the Zombie incident and decide for yourself.
I just ran the hardest I’ve ever ran in my entire life. As long as zombies can run a straight 30 min, I should be OK for at least the first week of Z-Day.
Speaking of flesh-eating zombies…did you see this article about some dude eating another guy’s face? That’s some hardcore zombie shit. Fortunately, a police officer was able to get the attacker away from the injured man by shooting the guy. Basically what we learn from this incident is to always travel with a cop during a zombie take over and make sure to never let anyone get near your face; apparently it looks like lunch.
In other news, while I’m eating 1200 calories to prepare for a food shortage crisis, my other half is trying to bulk up so he’s on a 4,000 calorie/day food regime. The worst part? He’s bitching about having to eat so much. I would LOVE to be able to eat 4,000 calories per day and not turn into a beached whale. Do you know how many tubs of Ben & Jerry’s that is??? So, Nadir. How about you STFU about being forced to eat so much.
That’s all the news for today. Keep up the great work! Remember, you’re beautiful, strong and we’re gonna survive together!!! Go #TeamICantShootButICanRun
Ok, so my zombie survival training is also training for a zombie 5k in late August. This week, I’m back to zombie survival basics…cardio. Mark my words, by the end of this week, I’ll be able to run/jog 5 miles.
Speaking of running from zombies, did you know that there’s a song called Running from Zombies? It’s by Tom Brosseau - whoever the heck that is. It’s slow, but it doesn’t suck. Here it is for your listening pleasure.
Now get out there and RUN! Remember, you are amazing, beautiful and awesome! We’re gonna survive together. Go #TeamICan’tShootButICanRun!